Have you ever done something like this?
You are in a lift, and you tend to look at the moving lift number, or staring blank, be quiet and avoid making eye contact with strangers?
There is a science behind this, and I would like to share with you in this blog on how all these unspoken rules work in the Social World.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Have You Ever Won An Argument?
So you think you've won an argument against someone (or ANYONE, for some real hardcore individuals). The most you will get is victory of your egoism. Do you see from the other side of what have you really lose then?
1. You lose your health. Don't you realize every time when you argue, you will feel the heat up to your head? and also the palpitation (probably the worries of running out of ideas to argue or the fear to lose an argument). It's because when you argue, you tend to haste your speech, hence haste your brain to function faster, and that's when you need your blood to flow in more oxygen to your brain. That's the reason why your face is red, your heart rate is racing and blood pleasure is sky-rocketing! Is that worth it to win an argument over your health? Personally I definitely don't like the doctors to win some consultation fees from this.
2.You lose your mind.Unless the other person is really some insignificant others, or else winning an argument for the sake of winning, you are just feeding your own egoism. Soon you will regret what you have said that leads to the damage of the ones you actually love.
3. You lose your character. We, as civilized human beings, are expected to be polite, kind, courteous in our words. When you argue with someone, you slip a lot of words out of your tongue without checking with your brain. The audiences who have the pleasure to witness your standing-ovationable quarrel would applaud for your free entertainment. Nonetheless, trust me, in their mind, they don't even want to make an eye contact with you. As a 2-second stare might be accused as public flirtation or sexual assault just because they just see some eye bogey at the corner of your eyes. Oh well, nobody is ever gonna tell you that your nostril hairs are soon sticking into your mouth if you are always in that defensive mode.
4. You lose your friendships/relationships.Every argument which is not constructive (throwback to all the ancient histories into your current argument is rather low and truly emotionally) will usually lead to damaging a relationship like a broken vase. You might argue that it's to support what is happening now, but does that really matter? When you have made your points clear more than 3 times before, it's time to stop and tell yourself, take it (to accept it in order to continue love him/her) or leave it (to slowly stay away from this friend/family member/partner). This is simply because if someone doesn't change, which simply means he doesn't want to. No hurt feeling, really.
Summary of above:
You argue > you blood pressure is going up > your words hurt people > people don't respect you > you lose your relationships > you are forever alone > end of story.
Everyone has experienced this, including the very flawed me. I tried to win all the arguments in some stages of my life (and I still do sometimes). But, I have tremendously reduced my chances to get into argument with anyone, as the 4 points above have proven themselves as facts. Seek to understand, then to be understood, that makes up one of my motto in life.
Agree to disagree. People have different opinions, as long as that doesn't involve you as the output of the decision or his actions, you need to learn how to keep some words to yourself, really. Let people prove their points, before you discuss with them by facts, not emotions.
So, share with me how do you cope with arguable situations? I shall come out with another post on "How to Cope with External Conflicts" if you think I should!
Share this post/blog if you like this article. Thanks! Scott